he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My vagina is very pro this idea
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