i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize