When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
