if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize