I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
