im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Randomize
