Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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