One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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