all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
