She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
