No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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