you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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