I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
