TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
