so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
