I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
