I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
