i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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