he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize