I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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