i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
