life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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