Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
