you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
