Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
