There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
