i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
