NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize