Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
