I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
