I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
