Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
All I want is dick and wine.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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