bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
