I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
