I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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