I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
