I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
