Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
