it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
