who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
