Im at strip club and am horny
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
