but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
