true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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