So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Enjoy the penises
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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