Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
