I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
