Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
