I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
