I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
