I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
