Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
