winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
