you told grandpa to call you daddy
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize