I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
