my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
