I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You are a genius and a whore.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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