he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
