I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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