I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
