Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
