we have pet lesbian snakes
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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