I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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