Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
no. you can't hotbox the world.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
