You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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