I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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