Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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