so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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